


Alone

by maxiswriting



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Chatting & Messaging, Crying, Human Sides (Sanders Sides), Hurt No Comfort, I'm so sorry, Insecurity, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Morality | Patton Sanders Angst, Morality | Patton Sanders-centric, Originally Posted on Tumblr, anxiety mention, the author projects all of their problems onto Patton, vent - Freeform, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-28
Updated: 2019-05-28
Packaged: 2020-03-26 06:40:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19000411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maxiswriting/pseuds/maxiswriting
Summary: Patton opens his eyes and immediately knows it’s gonna be a bad day.





	Alone

**Author's Note:**

> In which I project all of my issues onto Patton because my life is a mess and also because I can. Not betaed, so if you find any mistakes those are mine.  
>   
> Also, since I woke up this morning with quite a few people being very worried in my DMs -I posted this on Tumblr as soon as I finished writing it and then wiped the fuck out- I just wanna say: yes, yesterday was Bad™ for my mental health and I won't even try to deny it. Writing it out helped though, and I'm feeling a little better now. I cannot say that I'm fine, but I'm getting there, I promise. No need to worry too much, but I appreciate the sentiment <3

Patton opens his eyes and immediately knows it's gonna be a bad day.

Staring at the ceiling of his room, he contemplates hiding back under the covers and not getting up at all.

He could just go back to sleep, he muses. He could just close his eyes and ignore everything and everyone for the whole day, saving himself the strain to fight that cloud of numbness buzzing in the back of his mind.

In all honesty, he wishes he could just do that.

Patton sighs, lazily swinging his legs to the side of the bed and reaching towards the nightstand for his glasses and phone.

" _ Your father and I will probably be home late again _ ," reads his mother's message, staring at him from the screen as he squints his eyes to make out the words, " _ we're gonna visit your grandma at the clinic and then bring her to the doctor for some tests _ ."

As he keeps reading the message, Patton can feel his insides clench and squirm, anxiety and frustration swirling in his gut against his best efforts.

He knows his parents didn't ask for this crazy situation -it just happened, little bad things piling one over another outside of their control.

And now Patton finds himself with a very annoyed grandmother confined in a hospital bed for the second time in less than a month, a grandfather he can barely recognize anymore and a little sister in the middle of her teenage years juggling highschool and competitive swimming.

Patton can't blame his mother for sometimes looking like she's three seconds away from ripping all of her hair off.

Point is, he knows his parents didn't ask for all of this stress going down all at once. And he  _ knows _ he promised his boyfriend he would open up to them about his mental health and finally start looking for a therapist. But doing so would mean piling even more stress and worry onto his parents' shoulders, and Patton can't do that to them. He refuses to do so.

So he takes a steadying breath and gets up, shuffling towards the kitchen to get some coffee started -he has not enough energy to cook an actual breakfast meal, so he'll just munch on some cookies and call it a day.

As he waits for the coffee to get ready, Patton starts mentally listing what he needs to get done for the day. There are yesterday's dishes to wash, then he needs to change his bedsheets and also clean around a bit -now that he thinks about it, he also needs to revise for his approaching English test, he's way behind schedule with that one. Maybe he could see if Virgil wants to come over and keep him company? He really doesn't want to be left alone with his thoughts today.

A notification from his phone startles him out of his thoughts, the sound resonating in the otherwise silent house.

Patton yawns, grabbing the steaming coffee pot and pouring himself a generous cup. He reaches for the creamer and sugar, touching up his coffee until it's exactly how he likes it. Then, he grabs a pair of chocolate-chip cookies from their plate and goes to sit at the kitchen table, turning his attention towards the unopened notification blinking at him from his phone's lock screen.

It's a Snapchat message from his boyfriend, a photo of Virgil's black kitten curled happily on a handful of papers scattered on Virgil's desk.

" _ This is what happens when I try to be a functioning adult _ ," reads the caption, bringing a little smile on Patton's face despite the tendrils of sadness he can feel starting to creep up on him from the back of his mind.

Humming, Patton opens the front camera and selects one of the filters, plastering a sunny smile on his face and snapping a quick photo.

" _ Give Remy lots of pats from me!!! _ " he puts as a caption, biting his lip before adding a quick " _ what are you doing today? _ " and hitting send.

Virgil's response is almost immediate. This time it's a selfie, purple bangs falling in front of the boy's eyes as he makes a face at the camera.

" _ Gotta get ready for that job interview tomorrow, time to spend the day panicking and chugging coffee _ ."

Oh. Right. Patton had completely forgotten about Virgil's interview, apparently too wrapped up in his own problems to care about something so important -and anxiety-inducing- for his boyfriend.

Goodness gracious, how could he be more self-centered?

Blinking the tears away, Patton quickly snatches a cookie and bites into it, taking a quick selfie -thank goodness for Snapchat's filters, they edit his face just enough that his teary eyes are basically impossible to notice- and sending it with a response.

" _ I'm positive you'll do great sweetheart, and if you need me I'm here _ 💙💙"

Virgil's next snap is a photo of his desk, Remy now absent and Virgil's papers finally visible.

" _ I know Pat, thank you. I'll keep you updated _ 💜"

Before Patton can come up with a response, another photo comes in, Virgil's face looking at the camera with a soft, little smile and cheeks tinged red.

" _ ily _ " it reads, and that simple acronym is enough to bring fresh tears to Patton's eyes.

" _ Love you too _ 💙🌈" he sends back, accompanied by a photo of the view outside the kitchen window -he can't send a selfie, or Virgil will absolutely notice the tears streaming down his face and then he'll end up all worried, fretting over Patton when he should be focusing on other, way more important things.

He can do this alone. It doesn't matter if he can feel his heart breaking in his chest, pain and sadness and loneliness filling his mind as all the frustration from the last few weeks slams onto him like a freight train. It doesn't matter if he has slumped onto the ground, gasping for breath as he tries and fails to stop the tears.

It doesn't matter.

He can deal with this alone.

Right?

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on Tumblr at [@max-is-tired](https://max-is-tired.tumblr.com) or join my [Discord Server](https://discord.gg/jswxCA7) to hear me cry at three in the morning bc I can't write for shit, I need friends anyways :')


End file.
